Twitter...Not for normal folk.

Twitter is stupid. I just don’t get it. Do you really think anyone cares about what you just ate for dinner or that you accidently slept past noon? Seriously? You all Tweet like you are John Mayer or Opera with their 700 Billion followers.  I mean…I understand why celebrities tweet. Normal folk like you adore celebrities. When you see a celebrity tweet pop up it’s almost like they personally sent you a text message. It makes your day. It really does. But seriously… you are not a celebrity. You are normal folk. You get up everyday, go to work, eat, sleep and then die. That’s your life. Except for mine of course. But that’s not the point. I’m a celebrity.  I can’t die. But on the other hand (All the thoughts above were from my right hand…The republican side) I can see how twitter makes sense for normal folk to use.  Say that you are at a party and you see this good-looking girl or guy but you can’t point him or her out to your friend because your friend is way across the room.  You could just tweet about it and then your friend will get your update sent to his or her phone. No… Wait a minute. That wouldn’t work… Normal folk don't go to parties. Especially parties with good-looking guys and girls. Hmmm… I give up. Twitter does not make sense for normal folk.  So here’s the deal. I decided to make a checklist of what you need to have going in your life before you can tweet.  Until you have achieved one of these ten things on the list you shall only “follow”

1. Survive a near death experience.

2. Play in a band that has actually performed in front of people and not just your mom.

3. Fight crime while people sleep.

4. Slow dance in a burning room while listening to slow dancing in a burning room by John Mayer.

5. Host a talk show.

6. Celebrity (of course).

7. Give birth to octuplets.

8. Sing amazingly well but look like a punching bag.

9. Become one of the Kardashian sisters.

10. Own an island

If you have done one of the following 10 things listed above please tweet away. I would love to hear about your life.  If you haven’t achieved any of these 10 things listed above then continue to follow and keep dreaming. Us celebrities never eat food. We live off the admiration of drooling fans. With out followers there can’t be any leaders…. Think about it.

Joey