Wal-Mart Blues

So, While I was at Wal-Mart yesterday I decided to apply for a job. Haven't heard back from anyone yet. I'm trying to not get my hopes up. But now that I think about it, I should have lied on my application. First off I shouldn't have checked the box that asked if I have ever been a convicted felon or have any warrants. Before you start judging me, let me explain. It was spring break 1969 and a group of us went into the city to rob some banks. We were just bored local surfers looking for our next wave. We had this great idea to wear rubber president masks. We wore the likes of Zachary Taylor,Millard Fillmore,Chester A. Arthur, and Benjamin Harrison. (they ran out of Reagan, Stewart, Nixon and Carter masks.) so we basically looked like a bunch of old men with really cool guns. We had a great plan. Get in and get out.... Never, Never go for the safe. We robbed 40 banks in one day and never even broke a sweat until the 41st. Everything was going accordingly to the plan until Brody got greedy. "Lets go Brody! Nah Bra, I got to get something from the safe! Bra, We don't have the time, Bra! Bra! give me a minute. Right then an off duty cop , who was just at the bank to deposit his last check from the PD, got brave and intervened. FREEZE!!!! At that second Brody turned around and pointed his gun at the cop. Before I knew it I was diving after the cop. Both Brody and the cop pulled their triggers at the same time. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! I suddenly stepped in Gum that some loser spit out on the ground. I mean who freaking spits out their gum inside a bank. C'mon people. Oh...sorry, back to the story. The two bullets raced towards each other like two love birds meeting in a sunflower field. BAM!!!!! Both Brody and the cop flew backwards from the gunshot. I was too late. Someone ate all the free candy at the tellers counter. Darn it! I love getting Dum Dums! My favorite is the mystery flavor. It's so exciting! Anyways... later in life I got pulled over for speeding in a school zone, Ok Let me explain before you start judging me. It was the summer of 2020. Doc and I just traveled back into the future to stop Biff (My annoying neighbor) from changing the past. Biff had stolen our car from the past but we had a car in the present so we were able to go into the future and retrieve our car from the past and bring it back to the present. Now we have two. (If anyone is looking for a Delorean/time travel car I'm selling one.... It has only went into to the future and back to the past 3 times.) Well, Before we could get back to the present Doc missed a turn and we ended up driving 88 mph through a school zone. Of course I was driving and a hovercraft cop pulled me over and took me to jail. Luckily I was able to escape before my family photo faded. Anyways... If you are still reading this blog in 2020 please remind me that I am due in court on march 22nd. So now you understand why I should have lied on my application. Hopefully Wal-Mart will still call back. I hear that they have great benefits!


Joey